i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
