I am spending my child support on dildos
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
