Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
