I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
