I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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