woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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