We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
