My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
