ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
