New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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