Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize