He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
