Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
