This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I supernannyed him into submission
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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