He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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