oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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