Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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