if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
where are you?
Hypothermia
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
