I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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