Say something about gay babies.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
