Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
