I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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