I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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