; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
