i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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