He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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