my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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