somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
