This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Nicole vs. Life
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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