When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
