he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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