It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
