THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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