no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
