I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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