Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
