i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
