I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
