Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
