Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
