idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
