Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
