party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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