You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
