I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
what the fuck happened to the tacos
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
