It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
