Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
