Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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