Bisexual people are plain selfish.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
