69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
