Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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