I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
