I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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