yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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