Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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