i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
