You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
