I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
