I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
