he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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