I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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