I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
