Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
