her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
