would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
