She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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