Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Less talking, more tequila
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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