I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
