You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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