That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
