Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
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For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
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She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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