So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
