so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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