I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That accounts for only three of the penises
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
