The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
