i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Text me some of your sweat
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
