I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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